i am enough.

Repeat it over and over until you actually believe it.  This is what i was found saying to myself a couple of weeks ago.

I caught myself stumbling mid-sentence in a conversation with 3 women I hold very close to my heart.  I was expressing to them how watching someone dear to me go through some things, had stirred up so many feelings and emotions, that it forced me to confront things I thought I had already dealt with and moved past.  Then one of them said to me, “You need to talk to someone.  Verbalize and release those things so that God can bring restoration and refreshing…Release is the first step.”

I went through my mental Rolodex of people I could talk to and just wasn’t feeling it to be honest.  I am thankful for all of my family and my friends, and there are definitely those who I could go to…i. just. wasn’t. feeling. it.

How do you process?

Later that evening I went downstairs, turned on my keyboard, and started to pour out my heart in song…that’s how I process.  Lyrics coming faster than I can scratch down on paper, melodies in my head making their way to my lips, while my hands reached fast for chords.

Interestingly enough, since that day…I have been unable to stop the pour.  Out of my heart came words like this as I began to write a song to myself…

Forgive me,

for telling you…without telling you, you’re not enough.

Forgive me,

for showing you…without showing you, you’re not worthy of love.

Demote me.  Make me take a seat.

  Say it over and over until you believe “i am enough.”

These words started something powerful deep down in me.  Part of the painful prettiness of these lyrics, is that I took my power back.  I stopped being a victim of circumstance and repented to myself for ever allowing the hurt to begin with.  Part of the beauty about the way God allows me to process, is that it is not to myself.  To know that anything i could say, any road I’ve traveled, any pain I’ve endured could touch someone else makes it redemptive.  If you are going to be at Unbecoming Me 2018 in a couple of days, this won’t be the last of my song that you hear.  I pray the words to this song strikes a chord in your heart, one that heals and empowers.