Mixed Messages – do it for the daughters

    When I began the Unbecoming Movement, God was very clear to me on the “WHY”.

    do it for the daughters

    If you have never heard me mention this, hear me now…because our “why” is everything.  It is our motivator, our fuel to the fire.  Our “why” makes you wake up at 4:00am to blog about the change you not only wish to see, but wish to be.  Excuse me for being all profound as I quote the late great MJ, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror.  I’m asking Him to change His ways.  No message could have been any clearer, if you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change!”

    I have two daughters.  Both cut from the same cloth, yet so uniquely different.  Over the last couple of months i have had the grand opportunity to witness first hand, women who are speaking from both sides of their mouths.  I see more social media posts about women believing in one another, finding our tribes, girl gangs, boss babes and oh how i love it.  But we are sending MIXED MESSAGES.

    You cannot say you support the advancement of females and teach your daughters that they were solely born to be wives.   

    It will be a rare occasion that i blog about messy topics, but i promise you this – i will not shy away from them when my/our daughters are looking.  And guess what?  They are always looking.  Mothers, aunts, sisters, grandmothers, we better be clear about the message we are sending.  Let me take you on a bit of a journey, be transparent and still protective of the privacy of my oldest daughter.

    Without giving a lot of history and bringing you up to speed, in October of last year, i began to make a lifestyle change for myself, which also for the most part included my entire family, seeing that i am the resident Chef.  I began eating very clean.  A mix of the paleo/fresh 20/whole 30 lifestyle.  (For those of you who are interested in the guts of these, i can and would love to share some of what i have learned later, so please comment below if you’re interested.)  Basically, i began eating only REAL food, nothing processed or refined.  My two oldest kids, Collin and Rylie, took specific interest.  We began this journey together.

    All of us have experienced amazing benefits!  Eliminated cravings, increased energy, just feeling better all the way around, clearer skin, AND weight loss.  Now i will tell you this is not for the faint in heart.  It takes extreme discipline, and you feel worse before you feel better.  Yada, yada, yada…  All of this is great, fantastic, fabulous.  However, it has brought to the light some more pertinent topics.

    I’m gonna cut to the chase.

    Over the last 2 months, i have had to address and readdress so many comments that women have made to Rylie and to myself, concerning her weight loss.  Now, I am ALWAYS going to be a person who believes the best of all people.  I know that most of these comments are meant to be encouraging.  So if you are reading this and you have encouraged, thank you!  However, saying things like, “she’s doing it for her boyfriend, oh i see – she likes that boy now, or having a boyfriend has really motivated her”…are not messages I want sent to my daughters OR my sons.

    Are you serious?  Are we back in the 1800’s or something?  We are really telling our daughters that a man is the primary reason for positive change?  I’m sorry, but no.  This is just a small picture of a bigger issue.  Until we, the mothers and leaders, find and understand that our worth is found in our Heavenly Father, we will forever be sending MIXED MESSAGES.  We will tell our daughters that a number on a scale, a size, a clothing label, a clique, validation by a man, is more important than being created in the image of God.  That being accepted by men means more than being loved and chosen by the King.  It is our duty to uncover these lies to our daughters, AND to train our sons how to view women as well!  We have to do better than this!

    I am addressing the fruit to pluck up the root.

    Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.  Old saying, but still true.  If you are reading this, you are enough.  I want to challenge you to unbecome the negative words men and women have spoken over you.  You are loved. You are valued, accepted, and wanted by the Creator.  If “YOU” are not enough to unbecome for, do it for the daughters.  Do it for your daughters, for God’s daughters.  The mixed messages have to stop.  They are watching.  They are listening.  Let’s be wise.  Let’s be who we needed when we were them!



    p.s I love to hear your comments on the blog…so please feel free to comment AND to share!



  • Reply
    February 1, 2017 at 6:13 am

    So good! You are singing my song! We must raise our daughters, nieces, cousins, friends to realize they are more than enough! They are complete all by themselves…….a man is to compliment, not complete or compete. I love men and this isn’t male bashing. This is simply raising their vision to see themselves as God’s creations! Beautiful and complete.

  • Reply
    Amy H
    February 1, 2017 at 6:50 am

    Amen! When people project their own motivations on others when they see people making real changes that they themselves have not been able to accomplish it is so hurtful. Great job Riley, keep working towards all of your goals!
    Any Pinterest pages you would recomend for recipes? Wondering in your blended regiment are you adding natural sweeteners (maple syrup, honey, stevia)?

  • Reply
    Candice Casey
    February 1, 2017 at 8:22 am

    I usually leave my comments in my post when I share your blog posts…but today I thought I’d leave it here. I love this message, and it reaches out beyond so many things even than where you went with this particular example. It has given me meat to chew on for days….❤️ You with all I got.

  • Reply
    February 1, 2017 at 8:58 am

    Love this! It’s so true that societal expectations can be crushing and not the messages we need to send!

    I’d love to hear about the clean eating!

  • Reply
    Cindy Wiley
    February 1, 2017 at 8:58 am

    “Addressing the fruit to pluck up the root”! Yes! That is vital not only for our own personal advancement, but for the people whose lives we were inevitably meant to influence. Until we begin to deal with deeply rooted issues we will continue to produce apples that taste of poison…holding no nutritional value whatsoever for anyone to grow and live off of! Awesome blog!

  • Reply
    Elizabeth Strickland
    February 1, 2017 at 9:16 am

    Wow Mama Steph great message…. this is one of the things I’ve been dealing with as you know and god told me two weeks ago that I am loved I am wanted I am His and that’s enough!!!! Thank you it was a great reminder!!! Love you!!!

  • Reply
    Lori Noe
    February 1, 2017 at 9:31 am

    Yes. I would like info on the clean eating you are following. Tips. recipes. Process. What ever you are able to share.
    Thx in advance.

  • Reply
    Debbie Brockman
    February 1, 2017 at 9:33 am

    This is So powerful, I am not a Mother in the natural, No Sons or Daughters, No Grandchildren, But as an Older Woman of God, who has struggled my whole life with weight issues, and the remarks of ” you have such a pretty face” to the point that I wanted to throw up. I totally understand the repercussions of “words” that was spoken over me, and I am speaking of only ME here. Even I myself have said things that maybe I didn’t think thru before I spoke them.(speaking out of both sides of my mouth). Lord please teach me to not speak out of both sides of my mouth. Lord teach me to be a teacher and an exhorter to mankind on how to be an a Better Supporter in all things that are of you.
    Thank you Stephanie Harrison for again, being that Bold Transparent, Real WOG that I look up to,,,I want to be like you when I grow up!!!

  • Reply
    Karen Paverd
    February 1, 2017 at 9:34 am

    I have 2 daughters that have both struggled tremendously with self-image issues and still do. Not surprising since the media bombards us with the perfect image of what a woman should be and what her role should be in our modern age. I try endlessly to drown out these voices, to replace them with the voice of God and His word where we are all beautiful and beauty and worth are determined by the heart way more than the outward appearance. Truly I do believe that the voice of a mother and father speaking truth can be greater than the negative images that the world places in our girls heads. Your blog is both inspiring and educating.

  • Reply
    Cindy Wiley
    February 1, 2017 at 9:41 am

    Addressing the fruit to pluck up the root”! Yes! This is vital not only for our own personal advancement, but for the people whose lives we were inevitably meant to influence. Until we begin to deal with the deeply rooted issues we will continue to produce apples that taste of poison…holding no nutritional value whatsoever for anyone to grow or live off of! Awesome blog!

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